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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493088">drunk on something stronger</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/diodati/pseuds/diodati'>diodati</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Social Network (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, divcam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:00:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,321</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/diodati/pseuds/diodati</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Divya gets far too drunk and seeks refuge in a frat house bathroom, followed by Tyler. Unable to hold it in any longer, Divya confesses that he's been in love with Cameron for weeks.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Divya Narendra/Cameron Winklevoss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>drunk on something stronger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Divya slammed the bathroom door shut, the muffled noise of the party raging behind it doing nothing to quiet the violent ringing in his ears. He fumbled with the latch, trying to force it across the door with shaking hands, but it was stubborn, it looked ancient, and it wouldn’t budge, no matter how hard he tried. He stumbled over to the sink in defeat and grabbed the sides with both hands in a futile attempt to ground himself. The sheer amount of alcohol coursing through his bloodstream didn’t make it any easier, nor does the fact that the bathroom is comically small. The sink and toilet were far too close together, and the shower looked to be harbouring its own ecosystem. The hard porcelain was doing little to cool Divya’s flushed skin, but was something of  a reprieve from the overwhelming swelter and movement lying in wait just on the other side of the door. <br/>Divya had definitely had too much to drink. That was undeniable. He was a lightweight at the best of times, but tonight he had really overdone it, and it was all Cameron’s fault.</p><p>He’d been acting off around Divya for days now, as if an invisible barrier had been placed between them without explanation, leaving Divya clueless and confused.<br/>Had he done something wrong? The prospect of upsetting Cameron in any way filled Divya with anxiety, a pit forming in his stomach that he had attempted to fill with cheap liquor earlier that night. Evidently, that plan had gone awry, with Divya still grasping onto the sink with aching knuckles. A pervasive nausea had settled around him and every inch of his skin felt as if it had been set aflame. He focused on breathing in and out in a rhythmic pattern, keeping himself as still as possible to stop his vision from blurring and fading out, but it did nothing to ease the all-consuming nausea.</p><p>Against his own will, images of Cameron the last time they spoke flashed through his mind. Usually chatty and full of excitement on the rare occasions he got to let loose and party, tonight’s Cameron had been uncharacteristically withdrawn, seemingly a million miles away, and he’d avoided looking Divya in the eye. His responses were tapered and muffled, if he’d even registered what had been said to him. Divya had wracked his brain over and over again, frantically searching for anything he could have done in the past few weeks to prompt this change, but he always came up empty. </p><p>Was this it? Was this fault line between them going to flux and fracture until it turned them into strangers? The confusion only added to Divya’s pounding headache, the alcohol in his system causing his thoughts to blend into a cacophony of heartache and unrequited want. He leant down, resting his burning forehead on the cool edge of the sink.<br/>It was all Cameron’s fault. </p><p>The shift had happened a few weeks ago. Divya and Cameron had a longer walk from the Quad to the main campus, and they’d made a habit of walking together to the classes that they had in common, sharing snippets of news and rumors they’d heard about since the previous day. Sometimes they wouldn’t say anything, just falling into an easy, synchronous step beside each other and squinting against the biting cold Boston wind. </p><p>It had been on one of these walks that the mid-December morning sunlight crept out from behind the treeline and fell across Cameron in a way that made Divya feel like he’d been hit, head-on, by a bus. In an instant, everything had changed. <br/>Suddenly, his hair wasn’t just blond, it was spun gold and the warmth of midsummer sun, honey stirred into his morning cup of tea. His blue eyes pierced through Divya  in a way he’d never known before, a chill running down his spine as he felt the same satisfaction that the old Renaissance masters must have felt as they applied the final brushstroke to their work, followed immediately by a sinking clarity. <br/>Cameron was his best friend. He wasn’t allowed to think of him like this. Since that morning, he’d been in a state of hyper-awareness and heightened reality whenever he and Cameron were together. His thoughts began to race every time they touched, no matter how accidental or brief. If they so much as brushed arms while passing each other in the hallway, he would be left with no choice but to think about it for hours, helpless to his heart’s desire. </p><p>It didn’t help his case in the slightest that these thoughts were guaranteed to be accompanied by a looming cloud of shame and guilt. Divya cast his eyes to the floor whenever he held eye contact with Cameron for longer than a few seconds. Tyler had even shot him a few puzzled looks, leading Divya to worry that he was onto him and his burgeoning crush, adding an element of paranoid isolation to his already-frazzled emotional state. Threads of jealousy snaked through his veins whenever girls turned to catch a glimpse of Cameron, the feeling of his nails digging into his palm to calm himself down soon becoming all-too-familiar. His ever-present dark circles intensified with every night spent laying awake in bed, his mind stuck in circular thoughts of Cameron: wondering what it would be like if Cameron were with him, if he’d be able to keep his sleep-deprived mind in check long enough to avoid kissing him, crying, confessing everything, or all three in rapid succession. He caught himself daydreaming during his classes, his mind drifting away from applied mathematics and towards Cameron, towards his hands gripping the oar, towards the brilliance of his smile, towards the flexing muscles of his arm when he lifted his boat into the water. Mere weeks ago, sure, Divya would have been pleased to get a knowing smirk from Cameron -- but now, making him laugh felt like being handed a million-dollar, tax-exempt, cold-hard-cash prize.</p><p>The final, most painful problem was that Cameron had no idea he was ruining Divya’s life, but he planned for it to stay that way. He couldn't afford to jeopardise what they already had; he’d take a lifetime of tortured unrequited love over the chance of ever losing Cameron. He couldn’t let some stupid little schoolgirl-on-the-playground crush ruin the two friendships that he held dearest, because as much as he agonized over every interaction with Cameron, Divya’s blood ran cold whenever he thought about how Tyler might take it. He couldn’t risk losing both of them - especially over something that would go away if he just ignored it. </p><p>Would it, though? Whatever it was had already left Divya devastated and unravelling. He sometimes felt like he was suffocating in open air, particularly in moments when he and Cameron were alone together, moments once taken for granted but now played in a loop in his head when he tried to fall asleep.<br/>Other times it had a dangerous, galvanizing effect, planting thoughts in his head, telling him to grab Cameron and kiss him senseless in the middle of the crowded dining hall, paying no mind to the people around them. Some nights he feared he would throw open his window and scream it to the sky loud enough for Cameron to hear. The raging fire in his heart terrified him, and he knew that despite his best efforts, he wouldn’t be able to keep this a secret for very much longer. </p><p>Divya’s legs grew increasingly weak in a matter of seconds and he began to take in huge gulps of air to try to dissipate the sudden wave of nausea. He bit down hard on his lip as he sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, and he thanked his lucky stars that the bathroom was cramped enough so that his forehead could still rest on the edge of the sink. It wasn’t especially sanitary, but it was better than his first instinct, which had been curling up in the fetal position on the floor. </p><p>“Div?” came a voice, deep and familiar, from behind the door, barely audible over the sound of his own careful breathing, “Can I come in?”</p><p>“Sure,” Divya replied weakly, making a fruitless attempt to open the door himself before it swung open with a whine. A familiarly tall figure squeezed through the small gap and into the even-smaller bathroom, closing the door behind him with a gentleness unprecedented by his stature. Divya didn’t quite have the strength to fully lift his head, but he assumed he’d cast enough of a glance at the figure’s shoes to guess that it was Tyler.</p><p>“You okay?” Tyler asked, crossing the few steps that it took to move past Divya and taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub. </p><p>“Not really, if you couldn’t tell.”</p><p>“Yeah, I figured as much. I asked some guy where you were and he said you came in here looking like you were about to keel over and die, so I brought you this,” Tyler held out a red plastic cup, and Divya almost gagged at the sight of it before realising it was only water.</p><p>“He’s not far off,” Divya said, taking the cup and sipping gingerly from it. The water was refreshingly cold, likely thanks to the handful of ice cubes bobbing around in it. He plucked one out and put it in his mouth, letting the sharp cold melt across his tongue. “Thank you.” </p><p>In response, Tyler tapped his shoulder reassuringly. “Anytime.”</p><p> </p><p>The room fell into a comfortable silence, Divya sucking quietly on his ice cube and Tyler crouched on the bathtub’s edge, bouncing his foot.<br/>“Did you want to head home soon?” Tyler asked, an unusually nervous edge present in his tone, but Divya was in no fit state to read the time on his watch, let alone the strange, nuanced actions of his friend.</p><p>“Uh-huh.” Divya nodded. The ice cube began to feel less soothing and more aggressive in his mouth, stinging his tongue. He raised his head a little and spat it out into the sink, watching it circle the drain until finally settling into the plughole, grateful for something to focus on other than his quickly-worsening nausea. </p><p>“Are you… sure you’re okay?” Tyler’s voice was now certainly concerned, and tinged with a helplessness that made Divya consider how ridiculously pathetic he must look, sitting in some mid-rate fraternity’s bathroom, shaking like a leaf and counting the tiles on the floor. </p><p>“I'll be fine, I just need a minute to stop feeling sick.” </p><p>“No, not.. I mean, good that you’re okay alcohol-wise, but -- I meant in general.”</p><p>“What?” Divya said through a hurried gulp of water, trying with everything he had in him to look like he didn’t know what Tyler could possibly be talking about.  </p><p>“Well, I noticed you've been sort of, uh, off lately,” Tyler said, “Is there.. is something up? Like, are you okay?”<br/>And with that, Divya knew that there was simply no point in pretending anymore. The game was up. He was cornered, and besides, even if he wasn’t, he was far too inebriated to evaluate his options. It was going to have to come out one way or another eventually, and while he would have ideally told somebody other than Cameron’s twin brother, sober (or at least preferably not doubled over on a toilet), but, c’est la vie. </p><p>“Fuck. It’s just…” He wrestled with the wording in his head, searching for excuses he could use, ways to put it delicately, the right phrasing to lessen the blow, but all he could think about was Cameron: Cam rushing out the door with his coat half-way on, Cam’s easygoing exhaustion after a long week of rowing practice, Cam with a towel draped around his shoulders after a shower, Cam fidgeting with his pen during study sessions in Divya’s dorm room, Cam the first time they met and Cam downstairs at the party finding a girl to take home for the night- <br/>It was all Cameron’s fault. Divya’s mind was full of him. It wasn’t fair.</p><p>Divya took one final shaking breath in, bracing himself for the waves of anxiety, guilt, and shame that would undoubtedly break over him the second the words swirling around his head left his mouth. <br/>“It’s Cam.” he muttered, staring intently into the cup to avoid looking at Tyler. </p><p>“Cam?” Tyler asked, confused. </p><p>Divya sighed, exhausted but desperate to be relieved of his burden. <br/>“I like him,” he said, eyes still fixed firmly on the dirty floor. A terrible, claustrophobic silence settled in as the walls began to close in around him.</p><p>“You mean like him, like him?” Tyler must have been a little tipsy then, too, because he sounded like an eighth-grader who’d just been informed that their crush was planning to ask them to the school dance. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I’m sure you’re the last person who wants to hear about this, but it's literally been eating me alive. Seriously, I haven't been able to sleep in... god, I don't even know how long. He’s all I can think about, all the time -- even tonight, I’ve just been in here agonizing over the whole thing. I wish I could ignore it or push it down or just fucking get over it already, but I can’t. I don’t know why.” Divya felt like a Catholic at confession, the words flying out of him like doves being freed from a cage.</p><p>“Oh,” Tyler said breathlessly, “Wow..” </p><p>“Yeah.” Divya said with a sigh. He already felt better -- he was still horrendously drunk, but the nausea had evaporated with the weight lifted from his shoulders.</p><p>“That explains a lot, actually.” </p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Yeah, looking back it's kind of obvious.” </p><p>“Fuck,” Divya said, pressing the heels of his hands onto his eyes, “Do you think he knows?” He wasn't ready for Cameron to know just yet. Telling his twin brother was risky enough. </p><p>“Well…” Tyler paused. “He does now.” </p><p>Barbs of panic pricked at Divya’s skin, his face heating up again all too quickly. What was that supposed to mean? </p><p>“What?” he managed to choke out just a little too loudly, urgency tugging at his voice. The weight that had just been lifted came crashing back down onto him.</p><p>This was not happening. Divya looked up as slowly as he could. As the pair locked eyes, he felt the horizon of the room zoom out beyond him.<br/>He hadn’t been talking to Tyler at all. In fact, it was so obviously Cameron standing in front of him that he wondered to himself for a moment how he’d ever gotten into Harvard if he was this dumb. Divya took a second to quiet the shrill tone ringing in his ears before realizing that Cameron was staring at him with some sort of wild, burning intensity that Divya could possibly have placed, that is, if he had been capable of meeting Cam’s gaze for more than a second. Divya’s eyes frantically scanned the bathroom, desperate for anywhere to look other than at the face in front of him.</p><p>“Wait, Div, hold on,” Cameron sputtered, “you aren’t fucking with me? You actually thought I was Tyler? You’ve never mixed us up before, I thought … did you mean what you said?”</p><p>“Oh, god, Cam. I’m-” Divya was forced to pause out of fear he’d be sick right then and there if he didn’t stop talking immediately.</p><p>“No, no, it’s okay!” Cameron hurriedly reassured, running a hand through his hair, a motion that would usually have briefly mesmerized Divya, but was now unbearable to even think about.</p><p>“No, it's not. It’s not, I’ve just ruined everything.” Divya moaned, hiding his head in his hands.</p><p>“Div, listen, it’s fine-” </p><p>“Can you just go?” Divya asked quickly, in a clipped tone, staring ahead at the sink, forcing himself with every fibre of his being not to glance away at Cameron.</p><p>“...What?” Cameron said, and Divya’s heart twinged at how crestfallen he sounded.</p><p>“It’s fine. I'll be fine, I can find my own way home. It’ll be fine.” Divya said, dismissing Cameron with a wave of his hand, still staring straight ahead to avoid his eyes. It was all he could think to do to stop himself from shattering completely. If he were to look at Cameron now, it might just split him straight down the middle. </p><p>“I-”</p><p>“I don't even know why I said it. Look, just… you can go.” came Divya’s spectacular failure of an attempt at backpedalling. </p><p>“I'm not going anywhere.” Cameron said, firm but soft.</p><p>“Please, Cam.” Divya mumbled.<br/>The room felt impossibly small and it was getting harder to breathe. Deciding he’d rather face the heat and sickening thrum of the rest of the house than be in the bathroom any longer, Divya set his cup on the floor and stood up with the uncertainty of a newborn fawn and almost toppled over. There was just one problem: Cameron was directly in front of the door. Divya moved to the side to try and move past him, but in reality, what chance did he have? It was Cameron, who trained in the gym every day, made rowing look effortless, and stood at six foot five. Divya never stood a chance. </p><p>“Divya, would you please just look at me?” Cam pleaded.</p><p>With this, he finally looked up, his eyes begging Cam to just call him some vaguely derogatory name &amp; be done with it.</p><p>“If you’d let me get a word in, I was going to say that I like you too. Like, like you, like you.” Cameron said, beaming. <br/>Divya wasn’t buying it.<br/>“Please don’t mock me.” he said, every part of his body aching. It was bad enough that he’d told Cameron in the first place, but to be teased like that? Using his own words against him was a low blow, a scathing cruelty he didn’t think Cam had been capable of. With the vodka dialling his emotions to their limit, the floor felt as though it would crumble at any second, leaving him to fall through it and crack his skull open. He made a final, half-assed effort to get past Cameron, who was no longer having it. </p><p>Cameron reached out and touched a hand to Divya’s jaw, his thumb brushing his lip. His eyes flitted between Divya’s eyes and mouth before taking a deep, nervous breath and swallowed hard before leaning down to kiss him. <br/>Divya’s heart, previously beating in his eardrums, stopped completely. He stood dumbfounded for a second before responding, desperately grasping for Cameron and kissing him with every ounce of desire that he had been bottling up until now.<br/>Cameron pulled away first, much to Divya’s disappointment. He was eager to make up for lost time, and there was nothing he wanted more than to pull Cameron close and kiss him, over and over and over again.</p><p>“You really didn't know?” Cameron asked, smiling with such a gentle sweetness that Divya thought he might actually melt.</p><p>“I guess I was so wrapped up in dwelling on my crush on you that I never stopped to consider that you could ever like me back.” Divya said, embarrassed. Cameron moved his thumb over Divya’s bottom lip.<br/>“Why wouldn’t I?” he said, his voice low. Divya smiled, moving his hand down over Cameron’s hip.</p><p>“Are you feeling any better?” Cameron asked.</p><p>“Much better.” </p><p>Divya’s head still hurt, his heartbeat was still pounding, and his hands were still shaky, his body still ached, and his face was still burning hot, but Cameron’s hand was cool on the side of his face, and the nausea had given way to butterflies. He was still drunk, but sober enough to know that this wasn't a one-time thing, a quick and meaningless kiss that frat parties were all too famous for. He felt better than ever.</p><p> </p><p>It was all Cameron’s fault.</p>
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